I went camping a few Summers ago and made an observation:  A fire burns hotter and longer if it’s given a little space for oxygen.  In relationships, giving each other the space to be your own person allows each one to have the oxygen to keep the fire of romance alive together. It gives you the space to miss each other and long for each other.

Also, you never have to feel like you are giving up a part of yourself for the sake of the relationship. You need to keep up some of your own interests and personal time to feel truly alive so you can share your best self. Just as important, the wood needs to be close enough together to have fuel for the fire because when they are separated too far apart the fire dies. In a romantic relationship, it’s a balance between just enough time apart and being together fanning the flames of passion. It’s also important to remember that without fanning the flames of romance it WILL die!

 

(For those who don’t know what Bodacious means it is: Excellent, admirable, audacious in a way considered admirable, impressive and remarkable.)

“Bodacious Romance” has always been a top priority for me! I’m not just talking about the physical aspect of a relationship but I certainly cultivate excellence there also! I’m talking about the entire spectrum of emotional and physical intimacy that one can share with another. Since I have not always had a partner interested in the same level of connection, I went through years of  ”famine” in the intimacy department.  What’s my point?

I often see and hear about couples who have been together for long enough that they take each other for granted. They let the flame die. They just don’t make the effort to make at least a part of their time for juicy, succulent, bodacious romance! What a tragedy! When you have someone to share your life and your time with, why would you let anything else take precedence over making your partner feel like they are the most important thing in the world to you? As my partner pointed out, “After the bills are paid, life should be about happiness.” Create your happiness together with your partner. I try to have the focus that my partner is first and foremost my valuable lover, then I can prioritize my time and activities to reflect the romance part of the relationship.

Try to involve as many senses as you can while spending romantic time with your partner. Taste, Touch, Sound, Sight, and Smell. Aromatherapy, music, lingerie, candles, chocolate or favorite sweet things, all help to set apart the time you spend together as being special and different than the rest of your day/night.

Much has been said about learning the love language of your partner. In other words, figure out what really makes them feel loved and appreciated, then do that when you really want to connect. It is vital to the survival of romance to connect with your partner at the level that they feel loved, appreciated and connected—ideally that should be daily.

A verbally oriented partner may need to HEAR… “ I appreciate you for doing……”  or “I want to compliment you on being……” Or most importantly they may need to hear “I LOVE YOU.” Because the verbally oriented partner focuses on hearing, a way to say” I love you” may be a romantic song, or passionate music playing while you are getting physical.

A physically oriented partner  may need to FEEL…. your soft skin against theirs.  “Spooning” (laying with your back against their front or vise-versa) is a great way to connect your entire beings together in a physical way. Interestingly, when you press your entire being against your partner’s spine, you are entwining your energy with their entire nervous system. You become one energetic loop. It can be very soothing and calming when your emotions need sedating to simply spoon—or hug. It’s an excellent way to bond. But of course, spooning may lead to” forking” which will obviously increase the energy and amplify the charge between you. For a partner who’s love language is physical interaction, hugs, cuddling, frequent physical intimacy, and simply touch and stroking or a good back scratch will help them feel loved and keep them emotionally happy and connected.

For a partner that is more task oriented, they may need SEE you do something for them, like buy them a meaningful gift. Or try something visual like washing their car in a sexy outfit.  They may enjoy you doing a chore or task that they have not been able to get done for themselves. It is often most meaningful to a task oriented partner to do something they could do for themselves as a gesture of “I love you”.

Whatever you do be congruent. Words of “I love you” and actions that contradict will not make any deposits in your love bank. Every loving, act, word, or touch makes a deposit in your “love bank” with your partner. Experts have determined that a negative criticism is much harder to overcome than we might have imagined. It takes 10 positive statements to counteract a negative criticism! Most of us are walking around with a serious deficit in our emotional bank accounts. Each unloving word, act, or neglect of positive touch will make a withdrawal in your “love bank.” Another metaphor I have heard is the each time you say or do something hurtful to your partner, it’s like putting a nail into the fence of your relationship. Even if you take the nail out, with an apology there is a hole left in the fence. With enough holes in the fence you can’t keep the world outside your relationship fence out  and the fence collapses ending the relationship.

It’s so much better to think about what you’re are going to say and do before engaging in hurtful exchanges than trying to do damage control afterward.  I heard the words “I love you” nearly daily from a former partner, and yet his actions were so aggressive and unloving that the words had far less impact on making me feel loved and appreciated and the relationship failed.  My loving partner now stated that “Actions are a far better indicator of actual love than just the words”.  Mix it up a little bit sometimes and do something in all 3 love languages so your partner really knows you care!

 In a world filled with lonely people looking for partners, and lonely people in relationships who resent their partners, doesn’t it make sense to make the one you’re with a top priority in your life to maintain that romantic relationship?

Bodacious Romance Date Idea:

This is one of the ideas from my compilation of date coupons called “Show Me You Love Me”. I have one geared toward men and one geared toward women. It has nice visual elements as well as tiny gifts, and of course great romance at the end…

Light My Fire!

·         Buy about 20 tealights (tiny round candles in a metal or plastic container).

·         Whatever candles you buy must be in a container!

·         Send your partner away or get home from work before they do.

·         Just before they come back, light the candles and put them in a trail to the bedroom.

·         Wait for them to follow the lights up to the bedroom where you are waiting to show what a great lover you are!

 

Alternately you could use rose petals, or pieces of rapped Chocolate like Hershey kisses along with or in place of the candles.

This idea could be improvised to include man tiny notes of appreciation like “ I love ____ about you!”  or “You rock my world because you ___.”  For the verbally oriented partner.

You could also write little notes of small tasks that you have completed for your partner in a little trail.  For the task oriented partner.